Relationships are supposed to be built on communication, honesty, trust and love. After all you want the person you’re involved with to have the choice of deciding if they truly want to be with you and they can’t do that if your relationship is based on lies.
Individuals including myself, who are in a relationship or always wondering should I tell her/him I once had an affair? Should I let him know I’ve had an abortion? Do I tell her I’ve been looking through her personal belongings?
Well, from personal experience I feel that in any relationship it’s not okay to have secrets because eventually they will be revealed some way or another; either due to frustration from holding it inside, an enemy, or even a friend who thinks your partner should know. Just think of the quote, “What happens in the dark must come to the light.”
The most common reason secrets are kept is because individuals fear they will hurt their partner or lose them by revealing their secret, which can be true but chances are you will hurt them anyway by being dishonest. You can leave your partner feeling like they are worthy enough of knowing certain things about you ultimately making them feel like they don’t know you at all. In a relationship you should spend time talking about your experiences in life, your thoughts, and express your feelings. At all times you should be able to speak your mind when it comes to the person you are with. It’s part of the process of getting to know each other.
Flip the situation around and think about how you would feel if your partner was keeping a secret from you? It wouldn’t be a good feeling would it? So why not just let those secrets out? If you do decided it’s time to reveal the truth think about the approach you’d take and also be prepared for the response you will get. It can both be positive or negative and if it’s negative try to react in a calm way. For those still planning to keep your secret it’s only adding distance between the two of you and the outcome might not be so great.