My friend and I go on hikes every other day during the week. Its a chance to unwind after a long work day and catch up on each other's lives. Last monday we started talking about our love lives. She continues to wallow away her days in "its complicated's" while I continue on my never ending search for perfection. "You are so picky!" my friends always tell me, "Your standards are way too high!" Granted I refuse to kiss the toads to find my prince but I'm not exactly shooting for Colin Farrell here. I know what I want: a handsome, generous and honest man who knows how to treat a woman. His income is negotiable (I dont want my man making his living through "Do you want fries with that?"). His interests are key: if I were to type in an advertisement on Craigs List it would say, "Must love sports, animals,and cuddling." You would think this is easy to find...absolutely not.
I have what I tenderly call the case of Do It All syndrome. I have a working knowledge of my mustang...I can change the oil if needed and I know how to jump start a car. I am no mechanic but I know where my transmission is. I own my car, I pay my bills and I buy myself jewelry when I want it. Like the Destiny's Child song, I am an Independent Woman.
And to men, thats like water and oil. In theory, independence is attractive to men. They love the fact that she is out there doing her thing. Its part of the chase. Every man wants to tame that independent woman. But thats it...its all about breaking the horse. She may know what she wants, but she better know what he wants too and focus on that.
Now I am speaking from experience. I dated a Marine. He was big and strong and toted big guns. Arent you impressed? I was...for eight months and then the attraction wore thin. He loved that I was younger than him, was self assured and knew what I wanted in life. But during those eight months, he tried to assert himself as male provider. He was the one who wore the pants, he was the one who ultimately made the decisions.
Because the fact of the matter is, independent women emasculate men. What is he useful for if he cant change your oil for you or buy you a watch because you already did that for yourself? Men want the lady in the parlour and a freak in the bedroom. But when it comes to independent women, they want the facade, they want every other man out there to know that he was the one that changed her and to enslave her in his addictive charisma and charm.
Now that I have completed blasted men, I would like to also pose the situation with the other gender. Women are the exact same way. They love the bad boy persona, love that he is independent and thinks for himself whether that goes against the grain or not. But in reality, women want to break him in the exact same way: make him the sweet, courteous man who is enraptured with her.
Ultimately it is human nature. We all want to be the person who has affected our mate. We want everyone to know that we are so amazing that we resonated with the outcast, the rebel, the independent-thinking. Why cant we just be happy with what we've got?
We wouldnt be human if we were happy with life because it is the people that make us question our own worth that are as addictive as cocaine and potentially as harmful.