I feel like sometimes exes are pests—no matter how hard you try, you can never quite get rid of them. But then I look at my friends and they talk to their ex’s on a regular basis! What gives? Are ex’s supposed to stay in the background far, far away or are they more like friends…who you’ve happened to hookup with?
My own mentality is that ex’s are exs for a reason. They may have made you happy at one point in your life, but then you broke up, and for good reason. I will give you an example of one of my more eccentric relationships, where this ideology definitely applies. Him and I dated for eight months. It was one of those passionate love affairs that was bound to fizzle out. We broke up and I was devastated…for about two months until I found his replacement. That was four
years ago. He recently came back into my life saying he still thought of me and wanted to give “us” another try. I later found he was still with the girl he had supposedly broken up with (thank god for Facebook!) and is now engaged. And then it hit me like a Three Stooges moment: Doy! I never trusted the guy nor could I!
There are two types of break ups: amicable and destructive. When you have a major blow-up break up, this usually indicates an insurmountable problem intrinsic to the relationship. Either one or both of you are like water and oil: you just don’t mesh personality wise. In this case, stay clear! The drama is bound to wriggle its way into your lives and completely destroy whatever peace the two of you were able to achieve.
However, if it is an amicable break up, it is much more likely that a friendship can grow—and last. But one piece of advice that you shouldn’t ignore: don’t prioritize this friendship. It’s great that you have each other’s back. But sometimes its true the saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder. By keeping a short distance, you are able to establish your own separate lives. You wont fall back into a relationship routine, nor will unresolved feelings pop up. If you are in a relationship with a new love, this also minimizes mistrust.
Your exes will always be that gray area. It is up to you to establish their capacity in your life and define which friendships are the most important to you. If they see your worth and know you are a valuable asset to their life (and the feeling is reciprocated), then this is a perfect platform for a friendship to blossom. If your ex is the same person you despised for several weeks/months/years, its best to keep safe distance. Because drama is much easily avoided from afar.